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Funny Mother’s Day Quotes and Messages for Cards

pink background, bouquet of daisies with gift tag that says Happy Mother's Day. Funny Mother's Day Quotes for Cards.

Find the best funny Mother’s Day quotes for cards to make your mom laugh out loud this year!

Mother’s Day is here and is the perfect time to show some love to the amazing women in our lives. Have you been searching for hilarious Mother’s Day messages to add some humor to your mom’s special day? 

Here, you’ll discover wonderfully witty mom quotes that will bring laughter to both you and your mother. Choose the ideal quote or saying to brighten up your mom’s day!

Dive into a world of laughter with these hilarious Mother’s Day sayings! If it’s for your supermom, loving wife, bonus mom or supportive friend, let’s turn those heartfelt moments into unforgettable giggles.

Show your mom that she is the best mom by bringing a smile to her face. So swipe through our collection of funny Mother’s Day quotes for cards to find the perfect quote for the mother figure in your life. 

Funny Mother’s Day Quotes

“There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.” 

—Mrs. George, Mean Girls

I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” —Unknown

“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” —Michelle Pfeiffer

“Wine is necessary.” —Kelly Clarkson

“If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man… and by ‘party,’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.’” —Olivia Wilde

“Over the years I have learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, the joining of which obligates one to relinquish all claims to personal possessions.” –Nancy Stahl

“It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” —Dorothy, The Golden Girls

“Motherhood: Powered by love. Fueled by coffee. Sustained by wine.” –Unknown

“Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.” —William Feather

“Being a parent is like folding a fitted sheet, no one really knows how.” —Unknown

“My 11yo wrote me an apology for misbehaving in the car that included ‘I love you so much but sometimes forget to care about your existence.’” —@Manda_like_wine

“Motherhood: It takes patience, humor, and a lot of wet towelettes.” — Unknown

“A sweater is a garment worn by a child when the mother feels chilly.” —Barbara Johnson

“Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.” —Julie Bowen

“I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.” — Unknown

“If you’re a mom, you’re a superhero. Period.” —Rosie Pope

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” —Calvin Trillin

“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” —Sam Levenson

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” —Erma Bombeck

“A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her family.” —Lynne Williams

“There’s something really empowering about going, ‘Hell, I can do this! I can do this all!’ That’s the wonderful thing about mothers, you can because you must, and you just do.” —Kate Winslet

“Parenting tip: maybe don’t leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.” —Rachel Dratch

“To be honest, I’m just winging it. Life, motherhood, my eyeliner. Everything.” —Unknown

“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘Keep away from children.’” —Susan Savannah

“It’s a funny thing about mothers… Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.” —Roald Dahl

“Children are a great comfort in your old age — and they help you reach it faster, too.” —Lionel Kauffman

“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.” —Peter de Vries

“Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we’ve ever met.” — Marguerite Duras

“Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected, you never know when you’re gonna get crapped on or when you’re gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.” —Blake Lively

“My nickname is ‘Mom.’ But my full name is ‘Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.’” —Unknown

Funny Mother’s Day Messages

“Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life.”

—Mindy Kaling

“Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?” —Alyson Hannigan

“The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.” —John J. Plomp

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” —Lane Olinghouse

“Happy Mother’s Day, Mom! (And while I have you, quick apologies for ages 13-21.)” —Unknown

“Honey, I’m your mother. It’s my job to strong-arm people into seeing how amazing you are.” —Beverly Goldberg, The Goldbergs

“Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious.” —Unknown

“There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or ask your kids not to do it.” —Malcolm Kushner

“Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.” —Tina Fey

“My mother was my role model before I even knew what that word was.” —Lisa Leslie

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.” —Lisa Alther

“I am sure that if the mothers and various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.” —E.M. Forster

“A toy Tamagotchi is more communicative than a human baby, OK? Because the toy will at least tell you when it poos.” —Ali Wong

“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.” —Jane Sellman

“Dear Mom, Thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from Dad.” —Unknown

“I’m not really a mama bear. I’m more of a mama llama. Like, I’m pretty chill, but I’ll kick you in the face if you screw with my kids.” —@ScaryMommy

“I was so cute when I thought I was tired before I had kids. So cute.” —Unknown

“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” —Betty White

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” —Nora Ephron

“Becoming a mom, to me, means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” —Nia Vardalos

“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” —@SarcasticMommy

“I’m a mom. I have a right to be lazy and braless whenever I find time to be.” —Meraki Mother

“Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.” —Amy Schumer

“Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.” —One Project Closer

Funny Quotes for Mother’s Day 

“Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.”

—Unknown

“Being a mom has made me really tired and so happy.” –Tina Fey

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

“In the end, mothers are always right. No one else tells the truth.” —Randy Susan Meyers

“I see all these moms who can do everything, and I think… I should have them do some stuff for me.” — @NotSalmon

“You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid that acts just like you.” —Unknown

“Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.” —Mignon McLaughlin

“Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” —Nia Vardalos

“If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way Mom told you to in the beginning.” —Unknown

“Stop saying ‘we’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized out of your lady hole? No.” —Mila Kunis

Funny Mom Quotes

“Thank you for not telling my sisters that I’m your favorite.” 

—Unknown

“Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.” —Harriet Beecher Stowe

“I think in a lot of ways unconditional love is a myth. My mom’s the only reason I know it’s a real thing.” — Conor Oberst

“Mothers are all slightly insane.” —J.D. Salinger

“No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.” —Chrissy Teigen

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” –Calvin Trillin

“Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.” —Unknown

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.” —Jerry Seinfeld

“You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” —Jennifer Garner

“My housekeeping style is best described as, ‘There appears to have been a struggle.'” —Unknown

“Parenting is f**king hard.” —Adele

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” —Milton Berle

“You know you’re a mom when you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was cold.” —Unknown

“Maybe it’s just a daughter’s job to piss off her mother.” –Chuck Palahniuk, Diary

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

“I’ve conquered a lot of things… blood clots in my lungs, twice… kneed and foot surgeries… winning Grand Slams being down match point… to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!” —Serena Williams

“Every day I wake up and think: How on Earth did I become this much like my mother?” —Unknown

“It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want. Like a bottle of wine out of macaroni.” —Unknown

“I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” —Reese Witherspoon

​Funny Mother’s Day Quotes for Cards

I hope you enjoyed these funny messages and mom quotes for Mother’s Day! Wishing everyone a very Happy Mother’s Day. 

​Here are some other Mother’s Day Quotes You May Enjoy:

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